If this doesn’t sound like a deep, moving plot, it is not.  It was never meant to be.  This movie is about one man who goes around killing bad guys using his favorite weapon (he chooses a machete instead of a gun early in the picture).  He knows how to use his weapon well and he spends most of the movie decapitating bad buys or just impaling the machete right through them.  He uses this weapon with such grace that Jason Voorhees of the “Friday the 13^th” films would be green with envy.  

The movie is pretty gory through and through.  There are man great “gags” in the movie.  In fact, that’s what you are pretty much waiting for in between scenes where nothing is going on.  Machete does get it on with some pretty sexy ladies including Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez and Lindsay Lohan (and Lindsay Lohan’s body double).  There is plenty of nudity in this film too, but oddly no sex.  Right before anything good happens some funky 1970s style music plays and everything fades to black.  Don’t expect too much in the acting either.  The lack of acting ability from Alba matters very little here.

When none of the above is going on, the movie slows to a crawl.  Rodriguez is not the only director on this movie, he lets long time editor, and Ethan Maniquis join him.  Which scenes Maniquis directs and which ones Rodriguez does is unknown at this time, but you do feel there is something missing, that usually is not on a Robert Rodriguez movie.  Rodriguez has earned a good reputation as a director so any problems with this movie can be put on Maniquis’ shoulders.  The movie does fall into the category of, “it’s so bad, it’s good”.

“Machete” is a popcorn flick.  Anyone who buys a ticket for it should get exactly what they expect.  So go enjoy.  It is rated R for strong bloody violence, language, sexual situations and nudity.